Reviewed by Jason Coffman
Rating: 7 Beans
t looks so fake.
That's about all that can be said about the title character from "Anaconda." Except that its acting is better than about 78% of the cast.
But that's not our principal concern. Our principal concern is "Is 'Anaconda' a bad movie?" Yes. But it's not very funny, intentionally or otherwise. Playing MST3K with this film will not only help you enjoy the experience, but is actually necessary to keep you from just turning it off.
See, there's this group of documentary filmmakers, see, and they're looking to film this tribe which may or may not be a myth. Eric Stoltz plays the head of this expedition, the sensitive guy who spends about 85 minutes of the film's 89-minute running time sleeping. Only really. Jennifer Lopez plays his adoring girl, Ice Cube (one of my personal favorites) plays the cameraman, and Kari Wuhrer (who was also in "Beastmaster 2: Through the Portal of Time") plays one of the sound crew and provides the most of the film's cleavage.
But finding a possibly mythical tribe of South American natives in the dense jungles of that continent isn't as easy as one would expect, and the crew gets mixed up with Paul. Paul is played by Jon Voight, who is white. He speaks with a weird accent, and has a mysterious past. As we all know, however, any white guy named Paul who is supposedly South American by birth probably can't be trusted.
The movie drags on with terrible special effects barely masked by the dark quality of virtually every scene. It's not even that funny. I saw it on a Free Movie Night with a couple of friends from school, and we still felt like we got ripped off.
"Anaconda" doesn't break any new bad movie ground. It's pretty much exactly what you might think a movie about a giant snake starring Ice Cube would be like. But don't let that stop you. Grab a couple of friends and let the roasting begin.
Other reviews for this movie:
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