Reviewed by Stephenee Snell
Rating: 8 Beans
ou know you can expect cinematic history with stirring dialogue such as:
TOUGH AS NAILS INMATE: "Any you bitches got a cigerette?"
MEEK NEW INMATE: "I ain't messin' with her-she's bad news."
Look for this and yes, more! snappy writing in the women in bondage...er, prison movie "Chained Heat."
Carol (Linda Blair-need I say more?) is heading to prison for an eighteen month sentence for running over a man-but wait, it was an accident so we know she's not as guilty as the other criminals. Once inside she discovers that prison life is rocking: Warden Bacman (John Vernon-"Animal House") not only deals drugs, why he has a swinging bachelor pad of an office complete with hot tub! He gets his jollys by bringing up inmates and videotaping their fun. Captain Taylor (Stella Stevens) is also running drugs with a slimy character Lester (Henry Silva) who doesn't seem to do anything but hang with Taylor. Now Lester bribes the girls with dresses and takes them to "parties" for "clients."
The inmates themselves are divided into two groups: the classic blacks vs. whites scenario. The blacks are led by Dutchess (Tamara Dobson) and Ericka (Sybil Danning) heads up the white crew. Now both are bad ass bitches that Carol should avoid. But, alas, Ericka gets the hots for prison virgin Carol.
I guess I could go on and try to decipher exactly what the hell was going on in this kooky prison, but hey...I think you get the idea. In the end, blacks and whites are united by our hero Carol and bring down the corrupt system. Hooray for prison reform!
LOOK FOR: the discovery of a drag queen
the knife throwing scene
Carol's hair turning lighter with each
the fight scenes complete with obvious
the great special effects of the dead body
in the bathroom stall
much gratuitous hair pulling and bitch
Val's death throes
the killing of Stone, the only male guard
the boom mike visable for half the movie
the death by aquarium of Boots the guard
The guys'll love it: lots of T&A. I'm not into boobs or anything (that's not my deal) but I have to warn you that Sybil's are a little scary looking.
Apparently any time a movie calls for an innocent, whiney ass character, the producers hit the auto dial to Linda's phone.
I actually attempted to follow the plot(?) but my laughter drowned out the volume. And no way in hell was I going to rewind to pick it up.
There is a sequel "Chained Heat II" and I seriously considered a double feature: thank God I didn't pick it up, too!
"Chained Heat" made me feel like I'd been chained in solitary for a grueling ninty seven minute sentence. Pure hell! Please, someone: bake a cake with a file in it so I can break out!
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