Reviewed by Nathan Johnston
Rating: 6.5 Beans
hope that Hollywood will eventually wake up to itself (yeah right!) and finally realise that you cannot translate a Michael Crichton - or basically any other author's for that matter - novel into a movie. Rising Sun was the first hint that it couldn't be done. After Disclosure (which wasn't too bad), this movie comes along and should have taught everyone a lesson... but NO, after Congo along comes The Lost World and Sphere. It seems as though nobody's home in Hollywood and the lights have been blacked out - permamently it would seem.
The surprising thing about this movie is that it stars some well known actors. I don't know what Laura Linney (Primal Fear, Absolute Power), Ernie Hudson (Ghostbusters 1 & 2), Tim Curry (Hunt For Red October, Three Musketeers) and Joe Don Baker (Goldeneye, Cape Fear) were thinking when they signed up for this, but if they have any common sense they would be trying to scratch this movie from the resumes like the plague. Delroy Lindo (A Life Less Ordinary, Clockers) and Joe Pantoliano (Bad Boys, U.S Marshals) both make uncredited appearances in the movie - something they would both be thankful for. Not so lucky is Bruce Campbell (The Evil Dead Trilogy) and Mary Ellen Trainor (the police psychiatrist from Lethal Weapon 1,2 & 3). However, their appearances are mercifully short and - luckily for them - forgettable.
Tim Curry is ever reliable as usual... and boy did he pick a dud here. When he introduces himself as... "My name is Herkermer Homolka. Formerly of Romania... yadda... yadda... yadda. I now travel the world doing good", you can tell that somethings rotten in Romania... I mean Denmark. Uh huh, like I'm gonna trust a person with a name like that, from Romania no less who says he does good where ever he goes. I mean there's no chance that he has any hidden agenda's now is there??? Another acting performance that deserves a mention is that of Delroy Lindo who... christ I can't describe it, but its bad. Just imagine him saying "Liar, liar. Pants on fire" in a really, really bad African accent and you've hit the mark.
The above extracts basically set the scene for the entire movie, yes it is always that corny... or worse. Another example is a "talking gorilla" (you don't want to know) drinking a Martini - from a proper glass no less and then burping, well... actually it was more of beer belch. This gorilla is meant to be one of the focal points of the movie, which makes it so corny. I mean, its great to have a movie sending a gorilla back to the wild and all. But the way this movie does it ridiculous. Do you really think a group of African porter's would break out into a rendition of The Mama's & the Papa's hit "California Dreaming" in the middle of the jungle to send a gorilla to sleep??? Do you really think that an experienced expedition would cross a African river in the middle of the night on inflatable rubber rafts??? And do you really think two grown men, let alone a single one could pick up a gorilla and carry it anywhere without breaking their backs???
But I guess I'm just nitpicking.
The gorillas themselves are nothing more than actors in gorilla costumes and look incredibly corny (there's that word again). They display more human emotions than the humans do in the movie. Also I have never seen flares fired from a flare gun within a plane (yes you read that right) travel alongside the plane. For some reason, I thought that they would have fallen behind the plane due to the laws of physics or aerodynamics or whatever... but I guess I'm wrong.
Dammit I'm nitpicking again aren't I... ahhh to hell with it. Don't waste your time with this movie or you'll spend all your time punching gaping holes in it like I am.
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