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The 100




Damien's Seed
(1996)
Reviewed by Nathan Johnston
Rating: 2.5 Beans

tarting off… I had no problems whatsoever sitting through this flesh-fest, at all. Absolutely none.

That being said, here's a rundown of the movie as brief as the movie's plot and clothes worn by the female lead. We open to nighttime, to see half-naked women (always a good sign) dancing around an open fire as the credits flash across the screen. There's no point to me really mentioning that bit, I just thought you'd like the mental picture in your head. I know I do.

Moving along. We have the post-credit sequence designed to tell you everything you need to know about the plot in two minutes as not to interrupt the steady flow of sex which follows… Ready? We have a young women enlisting the aide of a private dick (or as it turns out to be, not so private) to track down her sister that has mysteriously gone missing.

Got that? No? Don't worry, you would have forgotten it five minutes later if you had anyway. I did.

Okay, so you want to know what happens during the movie?... Fair enough, here it is for you: sex.

What! You mean you want to know about the other stuff that happens in the movie? What other stuff? Oh, you mean plot development... Uhhhh, nope, none of that here.

What? Think harder? Geez, there's no pleasing some people. Let me think again... well, there was something about the private detective being the reincarnation or son of the leader of some cult, who's seed would give rise to the Prince of Darkness. But in the greater scheme of things it was really insignificant compared to seeing how many positions the human body can contort into while copulating. For instance, there was this one blonde in particular - well the evidence was there to show that it wasn't natural. But, anyway, there was this one scen-

What?... Awww, gimme a break, whaddya want now? You want to know more about the movie? What else is there to know? The private dick is hired by some women who he shags later. He picks up a lady hitchhiker who he shags. He's drugged by priestesses from some cult and he shags both of them. In the mean time, the hitchhiker shags some hotel clerk and then gets down with the priestess' after the private dick is done with them…. Now shaddup.

Where was I? Oh yeah, the blonde hitchhiker. There was this one scene with the two female priestesses where sh-

Oh, for the last bloody time, what? You want to know the real plot, not the sex?!? What kind of weirdo are you? Who cares about the real plot? If you haven't guessed the movie was made to be an elongated sex scene… You don't care? You want to know about the real plot? You mean the sex isn't the real plot?!? Oh my God! You mean to say that the boring bits about the private dick searching around the country town for his client's sister, stumbling across a cult plotting to bring the new anti-christ into the world, discovering the truth about his dark and unknown past, plus his part in bringing the cult's dreams to fruition, is the real plot of the movie?!?

Damn, y'know I thought I was really beginning to understand the purpose of these types of movies as well.






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