Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter
Reviewed by James Cochrane
Rating: 4.5 Beans
icture it: A vicious spray of bodies litters a small farmhouse on the banks of a lake with a curse and a secret. The dead are transported to the nearby hospital as well as the alleged killer, a one Jason Voorhees, Jason comes back to life in the morgue and heads back to Crystal Lake knowing full well there will be a new group of ignorant Oversexed Teenagers waiting to be slaughtered in new and ingenious ways only the J-man himself can come up with.
I really dislike Corey Feldman, as an actor (although he did show up in one of my favourite movies Gremlins) even when he was in Lost Boys I disliked him and that was a great flick. Here, though, Mr. Feldman plays his little guy well and I commend him for it. Now that that over….
Not since the first ‘Friday’ where Jason’s mom cruelly killed the Acting God, Kevin Bacon, has Jason had the chance to maim, destroy and reek Gotterdammerung on his own all star cast- Crispin Glover (Wild at Heart, Back to the Future 1,2,3), Corey Feldman (Dream a Little Dream, The Goonies), Lawrence Monoson (Last American Virgin), Bruce Mahler (Police Academy 1,2,3,6)… and the list goes on. Check out the Movie Database. Even the Hitchhiking Fat Hippie Chick has been in a plethora of movies and TV spots. I’m sure Jason was giddy with glee.
Of course, even with group of great actors as this, we all know the story will still be lackluster, isn’t that why we love it so much. There were a few great scares here and a few cheesy fakes scares (you know the kind I’m talking about- ‘Oh No. Jason is coming at the young girl in the tent; I can see his shadow… oh wait it is just the Solo hiker she picked up earlier- Whew’. I believe this was the last of the real Classy ‘Friday’ Movies and it is nice to see a cast like this and some fine Direction to close it off for awhile.
Note: Crispin Glover is the Coolest Guy on earth- my argument, check out his dancing in the fist living room scene. Even then he was destined for greatness.
It is to be noted that this was the first Full length film where Jason dons his mask- he receives it off the Fat Guy about half way through Part 3 and now is the IMAGE. Also this is the first ‘Friday’ movie to sport the always-enjoyable Gratuitous Nude Scenes… a start of something good.
Drum Roll Please- the Death Count- A whopping 13
1- Oversexed Mortician- Haxsaw to neck
2- Oversexed night Nurse- knife slit from chest to stomach
3- Fat Hippie Chick- Knife stabbed through throat
Gratuitous Skinny Dipping Scene
2nd Skinny Dipping Scene
4- Cheating Boyfriends’ girl- Knife thru boat thru gut
5- Cheating Boyfriend- Spear Gun to groin
Crispin Gets it
6- Snobby Twin- Stabbed through back
7- Stupid Mom- Unknown death
8- Marty McFly’s Dad- Corkscrew to hand/ Meat Cleaver to face
9- Easy Twin- Fall from window
10- Teddy Bear- Knife to back of head
11- Pretty Boy- Head Crushed
12- Pretty Boy’s deflowered virgin girl- Axe in chest
13- Solo Hiker- Hacked up real good like
Jason is Machete’d to the head several times
Oh can Jason be dead? Is this truly the Final Chapter????
Quote of the Day:
Oversexed Mortician ‘Jesus Christmas! Holy Jesus God Damn! Holy Jesus Jumping Christmas S**T’
Next: Friday the 13th: A New Beginning
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