Reviewed by Arno Mikli
Rating: 7 Beans
ven by the standards of low-quality teen-comedy films, this piece of work is a disappointment - a fact reflected in the poor rating that this film gets on the Internet Movie Website.
So what does the viewer get for his 2 to 4 dollars should he or she be unfortunate to pick this item from the video shelf? (By the way, let's assume that the viewer is male, as there is precious little in "Ghoulies 3" that this reviewer would recommend to a lady).
For one thing, there's the misleading video cover. We get to see shots of three "shellac-dipped muppets", to use Leonard Maltin's description of them, dressed in academic robes and posing happily amongst college students, giving the impression that they are the best of mates. This is not what the viewer gets when he starts playing the video.
The viewer gets to visit a campus with an academic staff of three (or perhaps four - a fourth academic-looking fellow is briefly seen at the start there), These three staff members consist of a mad professor called Quentin Ragnar (Kevin McCarthy), a secretary called Miss McButtock (Marcia Wallace) and a sleazy security guard called Officer Barcus (Stephen Lee).
The student body of these campus consist of two rival fraternities called the Zetas and the Gammas. The members of both these fraternities look and sound like rejects from those two rival fraternities in "National Lampoon Animal House". There is also a sorority where the members all look like refugees from a Playmate function. There are few classes in this college, which seems to specialise in 'humanities', and these are attended by all the members of both fraternities with the Professor Ragnor as lecturer.
All in all, an unconvincing little campus.
It gets even more unconvincing when the ghoulies appear to cause a small amount of murder and mayhem (but no graduations) to the college's inhabitants. They arrive out of a bizarrely-carved toilet bowl in the Gammas' fraternity house, courtesy of a recital of a medieval rhyme in a comic book with such quaint and unlikely lines as "open now the porcelain vessel". No explanation is given as to just how this mystic toilet bowl , presumably of medieval origin, got to be in the fraternity house in the first place.
This brings us to the plotline, another undesirable feature that the viewer will encounter. Put most simply, it is an unfortunate cross between "National Lampoon Animal House" and "Gremlins", with a dash of "2001" thrown in for good measure. It also has a limp love story, nudity and lots of student pranks. This reviwer does not wish to go into further detail as this will reduce this film's already limited entertainment value.
Bad acting aplenty is encountered by the viewer, most notably with Kevin McCarthy as Professor Ragnor. He scowls, sneers and jeers through almost every scene in this film in a very unforgettable, dominating and woeful fashion.
If the viewer has seen the first two ghoulie films, he'll wonder why the Ghoulies are now talking and uttering such lines as "Honey, I'm home"..something that this reviewer understands the ghoulies could not do in the first two films.
The viewer, after staggering his way through this video's unforgettable and incredible conclusion, may well want to flush it down a toilet bowl, just like one of the Ghoulies' murder victims.
The final word on Ghoulies 3, however, will be left to Professor Ragnor , who at one point in the film finds the mystic comic book referred to earlier and after examining it utters "THIS IS RUBBISH!!".
Too right it is, Professor!
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