I Know What You Did Last Summer
Reviewed by Ken M. Wilson
Rating: 7 Beans
h, to be young again and have your whole life ahead of you... of course, things tend to turn sour once you plow over a man in the middle of the road in Daddy's beamer. Congrats, you're now a witness to "I Know What You Did Last Summer."
Kevin "Scream" Williamson is back with yet another horror flick. This time around, four graduating seniors enjoy their last summer together before leaving their beloved North Carolina fishing town in search of fame and fortune. Alas, they nail some Chumley and send him sprawling into the nearest ditch. What to do... what to do. Barry (RYAN PHILLIPE), the spoiled rich kid, suggests the one and only thing that could have kept the movie from ending right then and there (allowing us all to go home) -- let's get rid of the body and never tell a soul. Thanks, Bar. Of course, the gang pitches the hapless victim into the nearest body of water and call it a night. Who cares that the victim opens its eyes before they chuck it in... it's not like it'll care.
They never die, you know. Don't movie characters ever get it? If you're a hunky guy with a beautiful girlfriend and your friends are basically the same way, take note... someone's gonna come after you. Especially if you find yourself in a predicament involving someone or something you think is dead... bet the house on it being alive. But, if they were hip to the ways of the world, we wouldn't have this genre of movies, eh? You betcha.
What follows is over an hours worth of routine slasher-flick fodder. We watch as the kids find themselves stalked by "The Killer" -- and with the predictability of a New Year's Eve countdown, every time someone is alone they get hooked up like cable by the killer's fish hook. Pay close attention or you might miss this cinematic first -- Helen (SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR), decked out in a formal and heels, finds herself being chased on foot by The Killer. Although running, The Killer has no problems whatsoever keeping pace with her by walking slowly behind her. Hats off to the brilliant use of this under-used tactic. Other great cliches -- Ray (FREDDIE PRINZE, JR.) is knocked off a speeding boat yet has the motor skills in the split-second he's splashing into cold waters to quickly latch onto that ever-present dangling rope the boat is dragging. Why? Who else is gonna save his Alannis Morissette look-alike girlfriend, Julie (JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT), from the Jack Palance looking slasher (MUSE WATSON) that, as it turns out, wants the kids dead because he's a card-carrying member of K.A.D.D. (Killers Against Drunk Driving). You'll never guess how it ends.
Overall, the movie was about as fast-paced as Chris Farley in a dead sprint. The girls were buxom, the guys were built, and The Killer, decked out in his black fisherman's slicker (a fisherman's slicker? Yes, a fisherman's slicker), systematically ruined any good potential suspects by killing them off too quickly.
This movie left much to be desired... but that's what we came for, eh?
Overall ranking: 7 Beans
Typical horror flick, no new plot twists, hot babes, equally hot slicker.
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