Interview with the Vampire
Reviewed by Mike Clarkson
Rating: 6.5 Beans
ollywood star power meets southern goth with nods to eurotrash and paedophillia...it's The Cruiser...Brad...Antonio...Christian...all playing, er, Vampires. Well, not Christian, but if you believe the police reports, sometimes he thinks he's a vampire, depending on what he's been binging on .A catchy pitch, though probably not the one they used. The real question you ask when you see Interview is Why Tom, Why? Did he want to prove his range extends beyond aw-shucks grinnin' with occasional bathos? Did he just want to play the bad guy because "aw, I ALWAYS play the good guy"? We'll never know...just accept that, in Hollywood, he is Mr Cruise, and His Will Be Done. You make that much money for the studio, you can have the parts you want, too.
The action (sic) opens with Brad trying on a southern accent whilst prancing about on some plantation. He gets sick, and heeeere's Die Cruiser playing The Man Hollywood Miscast, er, I mean L'estat, some x-thousand year old vampire who sucks some serious neck with Brad, turning him into an undead. Apparently, he also paralyszes Brads' facial muscles, as his expression doesn't change from this point on. At this point, you may be hoping for some sort of Bill & Ted's Undead Adventure type hijinks, but sadly, no. Instead, it's two and a half days, sorry, hours, of Brad moping about bemoaning the fact he's got to suck blood for a living (and any hooker could tell you there's worse things to suck than necks), while the cruiser tries to put some lead in his pencil.
Along the way they gatecrash southern parties, totally fail to get into the spirit of the thing with the Eurovampires, led by Antonio, and turn a young child into a Vampire. I guess they had to do that since it's in the book, but it is a plot device that smacks of paedo/necrophillia. Anne Rice obviously has some serious problems to write out of her psyche, but lets face it, we've seen evil kids on screen before, and this kid is just not in the evil kid hunt compared with Linda Blair or young Damien.
And throughout it all, Brad moans on. I mean, we think the cruiser is dead at one point; why not make sure by sticking a wooden Brad through his heart? But hell, we all know he's not here to act.(see review of "Good Will Hunting" for variations on this theme). Consider that all he has to do is stay up a little past his coffin time, catch a few rays and pwoof! end of existential dilemma. But no, like Satre, he has to live on and whinge.
And so we get to the present day; the Cruiser is living the life of a dirty old vampire in New Orleans. Brad is watching sunrises at the movies (I always knew there was a reason for "Tequila Sunrise" being made), with expressions of wood, er, joy, on his face. He then moans his tale of woe to Christian Slater, probably getting $10000 per minute of screen time, who then promptly gets fragged by the Cruiser, in his return to the evil big time, to the strains of "Symapthy for the Devil" (irony, huh?), covered by Guns'n'Roses in their last appearance before disappearing up their own butts. All in all, a pretty wierd star turn by all concerned.
Life's too short to take Vampire movies seriously. There's some solid performances here, and some good ones from Antonio and the Eurovampires, who are the most entertaining thing on show here. The Cruiser just doesn't convince as a bad guy (gee, so he can cry all the way to the bank), and Brad...well, do you ever REALLY expect acting from him? Get out Lost Boys instead, to see some vampires getting into the lifestyle, or the ultimate Vampire flick....Blacula!
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