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The 100




Iron Warrior
(1987)
Reviewed by Joel Mathis
Rating: 6 Beans

hen I came upon this film on my local store's discount video racks I knew I was in for a winner. First, it starred Miles O'Keeffe, and if you recognize that name you already have a good idea of how bad this movie is. Second, of two photos on the box, one was of a woman in a soked, see-through dress with the nipple clearly visible. Obviously this film was putting its good points right up front. However, I was to be sorely disappointed.

In the film O'Keeffe reprises his most (in)famous role of Ator the barbarian. The film opens with Ator as a child playing with his twin brother tossing a severed human head back and forth in that playful way children throw severed human heads. Ator's brother is kidnapped providing us with a cheesy set up for the film. Then the movie goes into its first of many "homages" to past films. The evil witch who kidnapped Ator's brother is judged by several talking heads with one actual person while standing in the middle of a spinning hula-hoop. She is banished into the "neverwhere" because presumably the director decided that "phantom zone" would get them sued.

Cut to about twenty years in the future where the good guy king is ruling over a happy people. This being a barbarian film, the happiness lasts about two minutes. The evil witch shows up again, says a few vague threats and then Ator's brother as Darth Vader with a chrome skull helmet shows up. He does the Darth Vader things by breathing heavily and throwing sharp objects into people with his mind. The princess escapes, of course, and is promptly grabbed.

Meanwhile Ator bumps into the evil witch who demonstrates how evil she is by picking up a small rock and throwing it after him when he walks past. She then changes into a young, topless girl and her and Ator have a quick off-screen love making session. After the evil witch tries to kill him, Ator bumps into the princess, setting up the premise for the main portion of the film of occasional fight scenes with guys on horseback. The film also does "homages" to several other popular films including Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Admittedly, you can't expect much from the "plot" in these movies, but its rare that I have encountered such incompetant direction. No one in this film actually opens a door. Everyone kicks it and the door falls open. The film jumps around from location to location with no rhyme or reason. A good twenty minutes of the film is spent recovering the magic McGuffin, but it is not even used.

In order to get the movie a PG-13 rating, there is a lot of creative editing. All the woman where see through tops, but any time things start to slip there's a cut away. The shot on the box isn't even in the filml as soon as the princess starts to get out of the water the film cuts to the next scene.

All in all, if you want a good barbarian movie look elsewhere. If you want a fun bad barbarian movie, look elsewhere. This movie is just plain annoying.






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