Reviewed by Jenny LeComte
Rating: 9.5 Beans
hen pop stars make the foray into acting, it's a case of "be afraid, be very afraid''. In the case of "Jubilee", you've got two mediocre pop stars (Adam Ant and Toyah Wilcox) appearing in an even worse movie.
The basis of the weaker-than-a-railway-cuppa plot is that Queen Elizabeth I (Jenny Runacre) travels via a time machine to 1970s Britain and finds herself at a Sex Pistols gig from hell.
The punks have taken over the streets and girls in school uniforms have developed an insatiable urge to trash people's cars with hockey sticks.
Wilcox, who plays a tangerine-haired punk called Mad, joins forces with two other shrinking violets called Amyl Nitrate (played by 70s punk scene hanger-on Jordan) and Chaos (played by somebody called Hermine Demoriane).
They hang around a lot, looking unattractively bored. One day, the ennui gets too much and they turn to murder for cheap thrills. I've got a real problem with people who kill others for something to do.
Adam Ant, who would later gain fame and fortune by painting a white stripe across his nose and singing "Ant Music'', stars as Kid, a wannabe pop star who hangs on the fringes of the club circuit.
The nadir of this movie - and there are many to choose from - is when Kid performs a three-chord droneathon called "Plastic Surgery'' and scores a record deal. Huh?!
Some movies which try to cash in on a trend in popular music ("Footloose", "Xanadu", "You Ca't Stop The Music") are so bad, they're good.
"Jubilee'' is just plain bad. To quote an old Sex Pistols classic, it's pretty vacant.
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