Missile to the Moon
Reviewed by Scott Murdock
Rating: 7 Beans
h man, 1950s B-movie sci-fi doessn't geet much better/worse than this.
A scientist with a secret dark side constructs a rocket to take him to the moon. When the military plans to take over his project, he kidnaps two escaped teen convicts to help him take the journey prematurely. The three take off with two additional accidental stowaways... the scientist's partner and his fiance.
After a deadly crumpled tinfoil storm (oops I mean meteor storm) the ship lands on the moon and the surviving explorers discover that the moon is inhabited by rock creatures, giant spiders, a blind Queen Amidala, and an assortmant of 1959 beauty pageant winners from around the world.
It seems that the moon maidens live in the last remaining pocket of oxygen on the moon, and must take over the Earth so that they can survive. Will the Earth be saved? What about Miss New York?
Things to watch for:
* The spaceship's decor includes office clocks hanging on the wall and various unsecured items
* When the rocket takes off and switches to stock footage, the scientist's back yard suddenly becomes an air force base.
* The astronauts are smashed down into their chairs by g-forces before the ship begins to move.
* The stowaways had to don oxygen masks because the room they were in "had no oxygen", yet it must have contained all the other gasses of the atmosphere since lack-of-pressure didn't get to them.
* The same three balls of foil fly towards the ship repeatedly during the "meteor" storm. (Yeah, from that asteroid belt between the Earth and the Moon.)
* Weightlessnes never occurs
* When the ship lands on the moon (reverse stock footage superimposed onto a "moonscape") you can see a building, power lines, and a communications tower.
* They conveniently mention a stablization system built into the ship so that they don't have to figure out how to film the effects of them suddenly slowing down to land.
* The astronauts have "gravity boots" that allow them to walk on the moon just as though they were on Earth. (They stash these in a cave later and it doesn't affect their ability to walk)
* The rock creatures move about 1 inch with each step yet the humans cannot outrun them.
* The Gumby-like rock have holes cut out where you can see human eyes and noses sticking through.
* The space helmets conver only their heads and do not attach to the suits... their necks are exposed.
* It is bright outside yet the sun is not up. Must be moonli.... oh wait. Hmmm.
* A moon maiden breaks a window and the city begins rapidly depressurizing. Yet a passageway in the city leads to an open cave with an unprotected opening to the outside and no depressurization ever occurs there.
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