Reviewed by Scott Murdock
Rating: 11 Beans
y Giant" is such a bad movie, it's rating of badness reaches new heights. The awfulness of this movie stretches the imagination with its gargantuan proportions. Therefore, my rating of this movie goes to eleven.
Billy Crystal (what the HELL is he doing in such a terrible movie?????) plays Sammy Kanin, a sleazy small-time talent agent who is hiding from dealing with his failed marriage with his wife Serena (Kathleen Quinlan, "Breakdown", "Apollo 13") and his pending separation from his son Nick (Zane Carney from TV's "Dave's World") by attending a low-budget film shoot in Romania. He ends up in a predictable car accident and is predictably rescued by the unusually-tall Max (Gheorghe Muresa), a peasant who lives in a nearby monastary. Driven entirely by greed (rather than by compassion or gratitude), Sam puts Max in the movie and then drags him around the United States to wrestle circus midgets and play a role in a Steven Seagal movie. All the while he keeps refering to Max as property ("he's my giant", "come meet my giant") rather than by name. As if that weren't bad enough, he also stalls on his promise to reunite Max with his childhood sweetheart Lilliana (Joanna Pacula, "Tombstone", "Gorky Park"), who has lived in New Mexico for more than 20 years. Only by the end of this agonizingly-long ordeal, when the truth about Lilliana and about Max become known, does Sam begin to exhibit a human side, but by then it's too late to give a damn.
To put this into perspective, I have a personal policy that I do not walk out during a movie, even to use the restroom, and that I watch the credits. Not this time. Not only did I leave the moment the credits began to roll, I took a bathroom break during the last half-hour of the movie AND I even dawdled a bit because I didn't want to go back into the theater.
Can't I see something better like a 35th anniversary re-release of "Glen or Glenda"?
Other reviews for this movie:
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