Reviewed by Nathan Johnston
Rating: 8 Beans
was tempted to write this review with just two words: Keanu Reeves, everyone would have understood and nodded their heads. But on watching this again I now have extra vemon to unleash on this ungodly movie....
Number one: Australian's do not, I repeat do NOT talk as though they have something caught in the mouth and have to talk through their noses and/or throats. We probably have the most laid back accent in the world yet Hollywood insists on having us talk as though someone is stangling us. In an added insult, the final scene is not even filmed at Bells Beach, rather they filmed it in Hawaii... blasphemy!
Patrick Swazye had no right to be in this movie. His character Bohdi is a scheming sonofabitch yet Swayze himself looks like a Golden Boy that would slap himself if a half-evil thought entered his head. Even worse is Reeves as FBI Agent Johnny Utah, he may as well have been a waxhead from the beginning as it matches his acting ability, or lack of. His performance here reaches the depths that he achieved with his effort in Johnny Mnemonic. If you don't have a headache after watching Reeves in this then I applaud you. I couldn't believe some of the bullshit dialogue between these two in this flick either, prime example:
Utah (Reeves): People trusted you and they died.
Bohdi (Swayze): Yeah, it got pretty bad didn't it?
I would love a dollar for every time that the line "You're going down" was uttered by Reeves or any mention to the spiritual side of surfing or "the rush" was made by Swayze. I could buy myself a small country.
The continuity of this movie also sucks. You see, Utah has a bad knee which he aggrevates after chasing Bohdi for a couple of miles after a botched bank hold up. Utah's bad knee changes from between left and right knee in some shots, no joke.
The logic of the characters in the movie also defies belief. For example, when Bodhi and his gang rob a bank they are in there for 90 seconds max and they never go into the vault as it wastes time. Yet in a display of unbelievable stupidity, in their last heist you don't need to guess what they do. The day that a group of seasoned bank robbers change their M.O. after three years - especially in their last ever heist - to pull a dangerous stunt like that is the day that I paint myself purple and dance naked on a harpsichord (relatively obscure Blackadder reference).
In another sparkling display of intelligence, earlier in the movie, Utah and his FBI buds raid a house of surfers that they suspect to be the bank robbers. This raid seems to be based on Utah's belief that the gang fits the profile of the guys they're after. His conclusion is reached after the gang try to beat the shit out of him becuase he blocked a wave that one of the gang members was riding. May I ask what profile that these guys could possibly fit into? Psychotic Surfers from Hell maybe? Something tells me that Utah wouldn't make the FBI's Behavioural Science Division.
That should paint a good enough picture for everyone. Steer well clear of this one folks. Well clear.
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