Reviewed by Scott Marshall
Rating: 1 Beans
his is one of my favourite movies, thanks to the promotion it received on MST3K (during "Santa Claus Conquers The Martians.") Oh, it's not for everybody. Not everyone would buy Patrick Swayze as a philosopher/martial artist, or Ben Gazzara as an evil small-town tyrant. Many people scoff when I call Road House a great Xmas movie- but like dear little Virginia, you too will believe.
For those who haven't had the pleasure, Road House is the fable of Dalton, the best "cooler" in the bouncer business, hired by Kevin Tighe (EMERGENCY!) to clean up his hellhole bar, the Double Deuce (or "Double Douche," as dubbed by hunky guest star Sam Elliott). The locals soon learn the error of their ways when Dalton busts heads and breaks limbs in a fashion that would make Steven Seagal proud.
But it's not all fun and games. When he gets cut with a boot knife, Dalton needs the TLC of Kelly Lynch, a Barbie doll-cum-surgeon who (ta da!) is the ex of Dalton's nemesis, a town bully with the rather unintimidating name of Brad Wesley.
So. The bar is cleaned up, Dalton has a love interest, Sam Elliott is hanging out, and people are standing up to Brad Wesley, who decides it's time to take action. He blows up an auto parts store, has someone drive a monster truck through an auto showroom, and tempts Dalton with a blonde skank. Dalton's dark past comes back to haunt him when he is forced to rip out a guy's throat, and everything goes to hell. It all comes down to a showdown in Wesley's mansion, Dalton using his wits and fists against a bunch of witless thugs with guns. Watch for X singer John Doe as Wesley's idiot nephew and The Jeff Healey band as the Double Deuce house band.
This is a film for those who like improbable casting, catchphrases, and unintentional humour (example: Dalton interrupts one of the DD staff doing it with a bar patron, telling her that she'll be his "regular saturday night thing." When Dalton fires him, the guy protests "I'm on my break!" "Stay on it," Dalton retorts.) Happy holidays.
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