Six Days, Seven Nights
Reviewed by Dwayne Gilepski
Rating: 8.5 Beans
oot for the Pirates" is what SIX DAYS, SEVEN NIGHTS should have been titled.
Harison Ford(Mosquito Coast, Sabrina), Anne Heche(Ellen Degenenere's better half), and David Schwimmer(Friends, Pallbearer) go together as well as Hitler and compassion. This movie heads right for the septic tank the minute the opening credits end.
The story centers around two New Yorkers, Heche and Schwimmer, who are "all work and no play" type of yuppies. They head off for Mantigua, which looks suspiciously like the Napali coast of Kaui. Well, to get there they need to fly with a drunk played by Ford who for no explainable reason is hooked up with the most spectacular example of womanhood since what's her name disrobed in SPECIES 1&2.
Basically it takes a crash landing, mutual infedelity, and pirates for both Heche and Ford to realize they were meant to be. The most memorable line is when Ford describes Heche as "your butt is too thin and your t*** are too small." Shakespeare could not have waxed so eloquently. The least boring part of this cinematic sapository was the pirates attempting to blow up our heroes' airplane with a cannon. Sadly, they missed.
Since no one asked I'll provide my oppinion anyway, Ford should stick to the action roles with brief hints at humor; he is good at this. Schwimmer should audition to play Barney so that some part of humanity could enjoy his goofy mannerisms without having to look at him. Heche needs to put on about 10 pounds so we do not mistake her for a pale bamboo shoot.
In summary, this movie was like a Johnny Quest episode lacking Haji.
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