Reviewed by Scott Murdock
Rating: 10 Beans
hen I went to see "Spiceworld", I was fully aware that I shouldn't set my standards too high. I knew that there would be little intellectually stimulating, that it would be basically a vehicle for the Spice Girls to play their music and have fun on the big screen. The problem is, any of the variety of trailers you may have seen has a more interesting story than the real thing.
Just when I thought nothing could be as bad as "Gone Fishin'" or "Bean", the United Kingdom brings us yet another incredibly, unbelievablely boring movie. I cannot put into words how utterly uninteresting this movie is. Do not see this movie. You will be bored. You will yawn. You will slump down in your chair and try to sleep.
The plot is nothing like any of the trailers lead us to believe. The Spice Girls have an upcoming concert that they are nervous about, a friend of theirs is really pregnant, some guy wants to film a movie about them, another guy is trying to film a documentary, and a newspaper publisher is trying to break up the band in order to make headlines. Take wild guesses as to whether the band stays together, whether they make it to the concert, and the timing of the baby's birth. That's it. There is none of the plot that the trailers allude to. In fact, the trailers are composed of scenes found nowhere in the movie.
I want so badly to say awful things about this movie and describe how truly bad and lifeless and dull it is. But I am still too angry that $6.50 and 90 minutes of my life were wasted on this piece of trash.
By the way, don't even bother going if you are a wanker looking for some T&A... the only thing you'll get is a shot of some bulbous crotches and bare butt cheeks from a group of Italian male dancers.
If you do find yourself sentenced to a viewing of this movie, the only halfway-worthwhile moment is when the double-decker bus has to jump a bridge. This is the only semi-clever part of the film, and that is even a stretch.
Five more interesting things to do than seeing "Spiceworld"...
1) Make copies of your phone book by hand like the scribes used to.
2) See how many varieties of grass you can find growing in your lawn.
3) Count from 1 to 1,000,000 in increments of 0.73.
4) Organize and attend a field trip to the local county auditor's office and have lots of interesting questions ready.
5) Watch "Bean" in it's entirety in frame-by-frame mode.
Other reviews for this movie:
Ken M. Wilson
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