Reviewed by Michael Miller
Rating: 7 Beans
tephen King is the unofficial patron saint of Bad Movie Night. He is an avid movie buff and writes stories that should translate well to the screen, but with few exceptions (Stand By Me, Shawshank Redemption, Misery) his tales have resulted in bad, bad movies.
The list of failed King adaptations reads like a Whoís Who of miserable cinema: Maximum Overdrive. Cujo. Children of the Corn and its spawn. Catís Eye.
Thinner, directed by Tom Holland, will not be the last bad King adaptation, and it is not the worst, but if your claim to fame is ďIím not as bad a movie as Firestarter,Ē thatís not good.
Unsure if wants to be social satire of the blackest order or just comic for the sake of breaking tension that never builds, the filmís most glaring problem is the appearance of its star, Robert John Burke. His fat make-up is unconvincing, and his thin make-up is unconvincing. And this is not a film that garners high expectations, so the standards are fairly low.
Thinnerís worst offense: it bores. Slow, dull, not scary. Its one effective gross-out scene, when Burke gets personal with a decayed ex-loved one, produces squirming, but by the time it arrives, restless boredom-induced squirming will already have worn a trench in the couch.
Joe Mantegna is in this film, too. He plays a gangster, but not one as interesting as his Fat Tony from the Simpsons.
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