Reviewed by Gord Pratt
Rating: 9 Beans
e are all well aware that Hollywood has produced more than it's share of bombs. Rarely, however, has so much time, talent and money been put into a movie that produced as bad a result as TOYS.
Barry Levinson (RAIN MAN) directs Robin Williams (GOOD WILL HUNTING), Michal Gambon (MARY REILLY), and Joan Cusack (GROSSE POINT BLANK) but none of them star in this movie. The "star" is the set. The setting is beautiful, captivating, unneccesary eye candy. Looks great, means nothing.
The insipid, predicatable plot plods along at a snails pace, dragging through a full two hours. Leslie's dad dies and Leslie's uncle take over the Zevo Toys factory. The uncle is a typical military-freak stock character who begins using the toy factory to make real weapons. Gosh, guess what Leslie has to do? Stop the evil uncle? Save the factory? Teach his new girlfried to ride a bike?
There is no reward for watching this pointless, dry, uninspired production. Much of it simply doesn't make sense (ie: Why is Leslie's cousin black?), the final battle is a mass of contradictions (it's very unclear whether or not the war toys can see their targets) and the visual effects simply wear thin after a while.
In all fairness, I knew what I was getting into with this movie. I knew it was going to be bad. That is, after all, why I'm here. But I didn't expect it to be this *boring*. My finger has never itched for the fast-forward button so much before.
"Four stores and many Christmases ago, my father brought forth a factory conceived in innocence, joy, and squeezable fun for everyone." -Leslie Zevo
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Hit-n-Run Productions, © 1997-2006,
a subsidiary of Syphon Interactive, LLC.
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