Reviewed by Mike Oller
Rating: 9 Beans
or me, this is the bad movie to end all bad movies. A simple screening of this film six years ago forged our own local Bad Movie Night. Even six years later, the more I watch the movie, the worse it is. Take the title: this movie has nothing to do with the movie "Troll", or even features any trolls. "Troll" starred Sonny Bono & Julia Louis-Dreyfus, among others. None of the major cast in "Troll 2" have done more than 3 films. Even the kid on the video box is different from the one in the movie!
This waste of video tape begins with Grandpa Seth (Robert Ormsby) telling his grandson Joshua (Michael Stephenson) a fable, a la Princess Bride. Here we meet the goblins, creatures that look like the aftermath of a fire in Henson studios. They're half-man, half-plant things that can change form at will, just not very well (When was the last time you saw evenly spaced freckles?). They persuade people to eat some pistachio pudding like mixture, which causes the body to "purify itself" into plant goop, which the goblins eat. Unfortunately for Joshua, Seth is quite dead, and only appears to him. Mom
and Dad regard their son as a disturbed little boy.
The next day, the family leaves for the little country town of Nilbog. Joshua's sister Holly (Connie McFarland) is being stalked her boyfriend Elliot (Jason Wright) and his cronies, whom she blames for ruining their relationship. Seth warns Joshua that Nilbog is the goblin's kingdom (In a pivotal moment, Joshua yells "Nilbog! It's goblin spelled backwards!"), and stops time so Joshua can pee on a feast of pistachio pudding covered food. Apparently, a meal full of pale-green food is normal to this family. Soon, we get to meet Creedence (Deborah Reed), the leader of the goblins and a horrible character that defies description. She systematically captures each of Elliot's idiot friends. In by far the most bizarre moment of the movie, she seduces the final friend with lingerie and an ear of corn. As things begin to heat up between the two, the corn begins to pop, filling Elliot's camper and apparently drowning the kid.
Eventually, Joshua convinces the family evil's afoot after Seth kills the pro-wrestler turned minister goblin, who preaches the evil affects of eating meat ("Smelly Bladders! Nests of Infection! Clusters of Hemorrhoids!"). Seth gives Joshua a secret weapon, and sends him to Creedence's house. Creedence corners poor Joshua, and all appears lost until Joshua produces the secret weapon - a DOUBLE-DECKER BOLOGNA SANDWICH! The vegetarian goblins are revolted, allowing Joshua and his family (he apparently runs this family) to touch a magic stone, causing a bad special effects sequence.
At the time this was written, "Troll 2" was #14 on the IMDb's bottom 100 list. If you can find it, this film is great for a bad movie night. The acting's hopeless, the writing's forced, and the special effects make "Land of the Lost" look like a George Lucas production. What more could you ask of a bad movie?
"Bad Movie Night" is a presentation of
Hit-n-Run Productions, © 1997-2006,
a subsidiary of Syphon Interactive, LLC.
Site created and managed by Ken and Scoot