Water Boy, The
Reviewed by John Weber
Rating: 3 Beans
'know, I never really expected to like Adam Sandler's movies. I watched "Happy Gilmore" mainly to check out the big fistfight scene with Bob Barker, and I enjoyed the movie's goofiness, and Sandler's character. Based on that, I took a look at "Billy Madison" and, despite some idiotic moments, I found it had an unpredictability and charm that I liked. And seeing "The Wedding Singer" confirmed for me that an Adam Sandler flick was worth catching. You'll come away from it at least amused.
But then I saw "The Waterboy". There is no charm, no really likeable characters, just morons to be pitied. Is it funny? NO!
Bobby (Sandler) gets fired from his waterboy job by his sadistic coach (Jerry Reed from the "Smokey & the Bandit" movies). He's 31(ha ha) and wants to find another waterboy gig. He hooks up with the coach of a small college football program who can't even afford to pay him. One day in practice, the coach (Henry Winkler, a-k-a Fonzie from "Happy Days") discovers when Bobby is pissed, he becomes a one-man wrecking machine. He becomes a nationwide defensive star, but his Cajun mom (Kathy Bates, "Misery", "Titanic") disapproves of the "foosball" ("foosball" is the devil, like almost anything that crosses Momma's path), so he keeps it a secret from her. Move on to claptrap about going to a bowl game, where his former coach is the opponent. Reed tells the NCAA he didn't finish high school. Bobby's gotta pass the exam. Then his momma finds out he's playing ball and fakes an illness to stop him ...yadda yadda yadda.
Now I'm not looking for a ton of plot here, folks. Let's just make sure it's funny. This stuff isn't. They live in a shack in the swamp. Momma makes delicacies like rattlesnake a la roast pig, complete with apple in mouth and barbecued alligators. A mule lives in the house with 'em. Coach Winkler has a tattoo of Roy Orbison on his butt. Rob Schneider makes a pointless cameo. Speaking of pointless cameos, Chris Fowler and Lee Corso of ESPN come off pretty lame. Brent Musberger and Dan Fouts of ABC come off even lamer. I must have laughed maybe three times.
Sandler uses some form of Cajun Mel Tillis-style stutter that is really annoying, not funny. Henry Winkler is just all nervous and not much else. This isn't funny or entertaining - I'll take the Three Stooges first. And I don't even like the Three Stooges! That's how bad I found "The Waterboy".
A major disappointment from all involved. I mean "Halloween: H2O" was funnier!!
Adam, my friend, you're going to have to start all over with me. To paraphrase Bobby's momma, this movie is the devil!!
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