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The 100




Gamera vs Guiron
(1969)
Reviewed by Chris Edwards
Rating: 8 Beans

old on to something. They don't come much weirder or wilder than "Gamera vs Guiron."

Gamera, you probably know, is one of those Japanese guy-in-a-suit monsters. You have probably also heard that Gamera is a gigantic turtle, one that flies by means of jets in his shell that spin him around in the sky. You may have heard this, you may have read in those "Worst Movies" books about Gamera's brain-damaged antics. But until you see it, you haven't experienced Gamera.

"Gamera vs Guiron," made in 1969 by Daiei of Japan, is full-frontal Gamera. You got your two precocious kids, Tommy and Akio, who, of course, climb into a spaceship and wind up on an alien planet menaced by alien women in catsuits who want to take out their brains! Guarding their futuristic city is Guiron, a weird, qudrapedal lizard with, now catch this, a great big knife-blade for a head. Got that mental image? No? Picture a big brown boot with arms and legs and heavy-lidded eyes, that tapers into a butcher knife. With me now?

Gamera, being the protector of stupid kids who get captured by alien women, flies to the rescue. Soon it's flying turtle versus lizard-knife thing, and no amount of Godzilla and Ultraman and Power Rangers-viewing can prepare you for the inanity, the sheer, dumbfounding illogic of it all. Senselessness rules as the titans tangle, Guiron starts firing throwing stars from his head, and Gamera does a little uneven-bars routine on the tinker-toy alien cityscape. Meanwhile, the youngsters, one now shaved bald-headed (!) must contrive to aid Gamera and escape the alien women.

If nothing else, "Gamera vs Guiron" shows how relatively lavish and sophisticated Toho's Godzilla movies were. It's also hard to not like this endearingly incoherent ramble. It plays like a story a child might tell, wildly imaginitive and unfettered by logic. All this, and it's on Just For Kids video for under ten bucks! Can you resist seeing for yourself?

Eight beans out of ten, with points off because this version doesn't have the Moons' really cool, twnagy-surf theme song. Sing it with me..."Gamera! Gamera! *twang twang twang twang twang twang* Gamera!...."






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