Reviewed by James Cochrane
Rating: 6 Beans
cene: Rainy, Cold Night. A young woman is driving a jeep down a dark desolate highway strip. She is out of gas. She pulls into a run down gas station where a stuttering attendant (Brad Dourif- voice of Chucky and star of many Critters movies) tries a feeble attempt to tell her that there is a crazed Psycho in her back seat. She escapes. She dies.
Scene: School Bar/Coffee lounge –it don’t matter
WE MEET: THE KIDS. The virgin Heroine (Alicia Witt- Twin Peaks, TV’s Cybill), The Loud Mouth, A-hole (Michael Rosenbaum), the quiet boy everyone likes (Jared Leto) and the Virgin’s friend (Rebecca Gayheart- Earth2, Noxema commercial, My Dreams). Thus it begins.
In a nutshell, the story is “Someone is killing off students and faculty and pets a la the MO Urban Legends.’ I thought, to myself, upon hearing the tag line to this ‘Just because it didn’t happen, doesn’t mean it can’t’ that someone had written the movie I had hope to write (and after seeing it- know I could have written better). Why the Be-jesus didn’t I get off my crabby @$$ and do this one sooner? Ah well..
Well, what’s done is done and what’s done is bad. As far as teen slasher horror gore movies that one was sub par by a long shot but, for the record, it was a hoot-load better than I Know What You Did Last Summer. A local University paper gave UL a review one ‘Steaming Turd’, now this may be a little harshe but… if UL is one turd than IKWYDLS is about 4 of the aforementioned fecal matter. That, of course, is another review all together.
One of the problems with picking Urban Legends as you MO is that almost everyone and their dog know the stories. In fact, Paradox Press, not too long ago came out with ‘The Big Book of Urban Legends’ and most of the scenes were straight from the first 10 or so pages. As well as one could pick up the classic book series ‘Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark’ one of my preferred childhood reading. How do you scare someone if they know what is going to happen before it happens? You get a Good Horror Writer….
Bad Writing makes this movie the Doo-Doo it is- no the directing- although, the director is not excluded from taking the fall for this- he could have read the script and said something to the effect of ‘Could you make the characters more believable?” and, “ Perhaps fix the last scene where the killer reveals the whole plot in true Horror (and Sci Fi) fashion?”
Both the writer and Director were Newbies (this does not exempt them) and a first time jaunt in the Teeny Bopper Flick series- we could say it were amiable… don’t get too mushy, James- watch out.
The Ending was a theft from I Know what you did…. And the classic scene from Halloween… I won’t say no more. One of the cooler conversations comes at this time too where the Good Guy yells at the Good Girl for saying something he didn’t like. I laughed. Hard. And commended the writer. Unfortunately this doesn’t help the movie- you will forget it as soon as the lights come up and you un-stick your shoe from the spilt pop on the floor and kick away the beer can you sneaked in. You’ll forget it and then in a few monhs when you are looking for a movie to get lucky to you will pull it down and say ‘Groovy’- Nut that might just be me.
Story aside, there were some genuine scares in here- and I must mention this- not once did a cat jump out at anyone- Yippie!!!!!- The Director took the liberties in performing some amazing camera angles and setting a certain ‘brown’ mood (I can’t explain). This was probably the best part- aside from Ms. Rebecca. Sigh
If I were ten years younger I am positive I would have loved this movie for all its Campy thrills. But now that I am more mature (Hey! Who laughed) I want to be scared, and with the new religion in scary movies- started so gingerly by the master himself Wes Craven in Wes Craven’s New Nightmare there is no excuse for schlock- especially where it could easily have been avoided- to some degree. For a night of Bad Movies this is a fun one to sit back and crack jokes a plenty- or give something to the kids to watch and go out and see one that really works.
Oh Yeah- and Robert Englund is in here- He didn’t do it- but if you had any brain you would guess that in the first two seconds of viewing. He is too famous to do bad- everyone suspects him. Toodles.
Other reviews for this movie:
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