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The 100

Star Trek: Insurrection
Reviewed by Nicholas D'Amico
Rating: 7.5 Beans

ell, it looks like the "Every Other" Star Trek movie theory still has a deathgrip on the franchise.
To sum up (and I'll try to keep this short, ha-ha):

Star Trek: The Motion Picture - Sucked BIG TIME. This one had the inertia of several million fanatical ST geeks behind it, people who had a major erection for the original show and cast, plus an easy-to-find influx of good acid that was around at the time. Result: mucho deniro at the Box Office. So of course, the next thing that followed was

Star Trek II: The Wrath Of Kahn - which was actually a good, well written, well acted (as good as you could get from the original cast, anyway), well directed, entertaining film. Well, everyone thought, things are looking up! I just can't wait to see

Star Trek III: The Search For Spock - which should have been called The Search For A Good Supporting Cast. Kirstie Alley, capitalizing on the boost "Khan" gave her career, asked for more money and the producers went for Robin Curtis, who I haven't seen since. They also had Chistopher Lloyd as the lead Kilngon, who I think is a great actor and have enjoyed in many movies, but all I could think of when he was onscreen in that movie was Jim from Taxi. And the script was lame. I waited with a sense of dread for

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home - The movie that triggered the "Every Other" theory... I feel the "Save The Whales" theme was a bit trendy, but it was an entertaining, well-crafted movie. Okay, good. The NEXT one, however...

Star Trek V: The Final Frontier - This is, without a doubt THE WORST film in the franchise, a real piece of drek with bad writing, lame performances (you can sense everyone's getting tired here), rotten special effects (the shuttlecraft landing comes to mind), and the most lamebrained mess of an anti-climax I've ever seen. This was the first time I saw a Trekker (okay?!) spout false enthusiasm in a desperate attempt to convince himself and everyone else within earshot that they'd seen a good movie.

Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country - A good one, marred only (in my opinion) by imperfect CGI FX
(the Klingon blood in zero G), with plenty of action and better acting.

Star Trek: Generations - Actually, I think this one is sort of an exception to the theory in that the only things I could really find fault with were the
mind-bendingly soporific "Nexus" scenes and the fact that Malcom McDowall, of all people, beat up Picard.

Star Trek: First Contact - A REALLY good one, funny, exciting, with great bad guys and excellent, improved CGI FX. Great script, action, performances, direction. And then the Theory put the series back in a headlock...

Star Trek: Insurrection gives you the feeling that Paramount is thinking, "Okay... We make a killing on every second movie here, so if we slack off on the odd numbered ones, we can save money and cut corners
by leaving something out like... A PLOT ANYONE WOULD GIVE A FART IN A HIGH WIND ABOUT!!!!

I didn't give a tinker's cuss for the endangered ageless people on the planet, didn't find the villans particularly threatening, didn't believe for a second the conspiracy subplot, and I really didn't want to see the crew getting laid, not at the age they're at now, anyway. When that woman Picard hooked up with froze time, I didn't think, "Oh, how special and touching", I thought, "You mean she just slowed time to a crawl NOW?!!??", and suffered through an insulting, predictable "twist" in the plot.

To add insult to the waste of my time, I heard yet another die-hard Trekker (one with a girlfriend, believe it or not) raving about what an excellent movie that was.

I'm just hoping the next film doesn't have Jim Carrey in it.

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