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The 100

Night Caller, The
Reviewed by Nathan Johnston
Rating: 3.5 Beans

magine my disappointment in watching a movie titled "The Night Caller" and not seeing any nudity throughout its entire running time. Let that be a warning to all men... there is no nudity in this movie whatsoever. I thought that I could nearly always rely on Hollywood's association of films with the word "night" in the title, with breasts eg. "Boogie Nights" and "Night Eyes". Oh well, another of my long-held beliefs has just come crashing down around me... I feel so hollow. For further bruising my fragile psyche with that revelation this movie one bean straight off the bat.

However...... I did find this movie to be absolutely bloody hilarious, so this did alleviate the empty feeling that I had inside me. I know I shouldn't have been laughing but I couldn't help it. The psycho main character in the movie looked like a friend of mine (for once I wasn't reminded of myself, oops too much info). Anyhoo... la di da da da. Oh, you haven't run anyway screaming, what the hell is wrong with you. Well... umm... yeah. This flick is supposed to be a load of shi- sorry, a thriller. Hah! Watching the mating rituals of a dragonfly would be more thrilling. What little thrills there are revolve around a lonely women called Beth Needham (Tracy Nelson) who turns out to be a complete and utter psycho and out-of-the-closet stalker. She looks after her Mama, hates her life and develops an obssession with radio psychiatrist Lindsay Roland (Shanna Reed). The standard stalker stuff then happens. Psycho kills overbearing parent and others to be close to the object of her obsession, is almost discovered, kills some more, has her "friendship" threatened by some outside influence and kidnaps said object of obsession so a final showdown can ensue. Yadda yadda yadda *yawn*.

Well it would have been a yawn had I not been laughing so much. Firstly, because I just cannot by the idea that any stalker would become a murderer - or a mass murderer no less - so easily just to stay close to their obsession. I don't care how screwed up they may be. Then we have the "stalkees"... whoa. These ones always deserve what they get, and the doc in this piece is no exception. They are so bloody dumb and trusting. For instance, after a babysitter? Well if your normal sitters are unavailable why not hire someone that you have only met once and don't know a thing about rather than ring around respected babysitting businesses that perform rigourous background checks on all their staff? If I had a kid, I'd do that for them anyday just to show I care.

Moving right along now... oh that's right. Here's an something else that caused me much amusement. Our psycho's first move to be close to the dumb doctor is to take a job at the doc's answering service. There she meets the very blonde Marge (Cyndi Pass - which could not possibly be her real name). Now, Marge preceeds to tell everyone how her new psycho workmate will kill her. But not before telling her that she was/is a stripper who.... wait for it, is a born again christian who was trying to spread the Lord's name at the strip club she worked. Did I mention that this young lass was a blonde? If you still have any doubt about this read on... When giving a reason for her wanting the night off, Beth tells Marge that her mother (whom she has already killed) needs a heart trasnplant. Marge then replies "and I thought having implants was a big deal". This unbelievably is the same women who discovers the truth about Beth. My mind is still trying to get around that one. Still it was sad to see her die, as she was the only women in the movie that had a decent sized chest to look at.

What else was there?... Not much. I found it very funny that there just happened to be a carving knife on a bench when Beth threatens someone at a convienience store. Also, the fact that a drawer full of her fathers guns materialised when Beth needed one was quite amusing. Don't worry that the guy had been dead for 20 or so years. Minor things they may be, but they did provide great amusment value.

I can't give this movie too many beans though. It did provide me with the most laughs I've had in a while.

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