Blair Witch Project, The
Reviewed by Randal Chou
Rating: 8.5 Beans
efore any of you primitive screwheads start bashing me, let me start off by saying that I thoroughly admired the directors of this film for coming up with such an original concept. I have no guff with them over they idea. As a matter of fact, I think it was a brilliant notion, just a poorly executed, brilliant notion.
The Blair Witch Project, as I'm sure you all already know, is a mockumentry about three film students who go out in the woods to film a documentry on an urban legend. They disappear and their "found footage" is the whole movie. Well, like many of the movie fanatics out there, I had heard about this movie many moons ago and was immidiately pulled onto the band wagon. I spent months finding out about every little detail of the movie. Every movie site that had reviewed had said it was THE movie to see this summer, that it was the new definition in horror.
Well, July 29th finally arrived, and there was a midnight showing in my home town. My friend and I had purchased tickets a week in advance and were eagerly awaiting the show. I had just travelled nine hours to get home, with barely enough time to get to the theatre. And, after a day of dealing with constant flight delays at the lovely Newark airport, this movie premiere was the only thing keeping me going.
When my friend and I arrive, there is already a line around the builiding of people waiting to get in. We take are places at the end and are shuffled like cattle into the small arthouse theatre. The lights dim and what follows is nothing more than pure drivel. The movie started out slow and never picked up. I was sitting in the theatre just picking out constant mistakes the filmmakers had made. Now I know some of you are saying, "But that's how it's supposed to be filmed." That's not what I'm talking about. I am referring to the instances where there shouldn't have been cuts. For example when Heather is trying to console Mikey, after Josh has disappeared. The handicam that she had placed in the tree, at a fixed position, apparently had to be moved because there was a bad cut in the film and the image shifts down about an inch.
But on top of the mistakes in filming, there was the story. Oh My God!!! This was about the most predictable movie I had ever seen. I was just ho-humming through it, picking up stuff about the legend, i.e. the fishermen. Then when Heather and Mikey hear Josh and start running towards the voice, I completely guessed that the voice was coming from the basement of the house and that Heather and Mikey were going to be killed like the legend said. And pardon me, but I don't care how expensive some damn camera equipment is, when you're lost in the middle of no where, you will drop that shit so you can move ten times faster, no matter if it is "all you have left!!!!"
Overall, this movie left me with, besides a bad case of motion sickness, filling completely gypped. I had built up all this anticipation, perhaps even more than for Star Wars, and I was left 6 dollars poorer and really pissed off. Maybe if the directors hadn't come out and said it was fake then I would have been scared, but I seriously doubt it. So, in conclusion, save this one for a Blockbuster Night and settle in with some dramamine and a bowl of popcorn.
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