Reviewed by Diane Squires
Rating: 6 Beans
hat the hell is so goddamn great about the eighties? Why is Hollywood convinced that Gen X wants to spend the rest of it's days sedated and slack-jawed listening to the greatest hits of Duran Duran? Does anyone really remember what we were like back then? We teased our hair, we bought acid wash jeans, we went from simple barbie doll blue eyeshadow to plastering our faces with so many ingeniously blended shades of teal that it put Renoir to shame, and let's not forget that we said "rad" and we said it often. Is it any wonder that this experience has reduced the average Xer into a gibbering idiot, who commicates with other Xers solely by reciting lyrics from School House Rock?
So "High Fidelity" is yet another movie written solely for the purpose of selling a retro-eighties soundtrack. John Cusak plays Rob, a guy who owns a record store, all the better to play more of your favorite hits. Rob is bummed because he is essentially a slacker failure who lives off his girlfriend, while he runs his phenomenally unprofitable business. Now his girlfriend has dumped him, and he is convinced that the secret to his misery lies in his record collection and his ex-girlfriends. Of course, the audience knows the true answer, both Rob and his girlfriend are such self-absorbed assholes that it's no wonder that they radiate misery upon anyone stupid enough to go anywhere near them.
If you want to know all about Rob's quirky exes, then go see the movie. I'm not going to bother telling you all about the subplots and the supporting characters, because when compared to our leading characters and main plot, they look like Oscar quality material. So for two hours or so, and let me tell you it is a looooooooong two hours or so, Rob has a one night stand with Lisa Bonet, throws a tantrum when he finds out that his now ex-true love got lucky too, and interrupts other people's lives to whine about how rotten his own is. Finally, at the very end, somebody dies and his beloved tells him that she wants to get back together, because breaking up right now is inconvenient. "Sweetie, this is a bad time for me. So how about I waltz back into your life, and kick your sorry ass to the curb when I'm feeling a little less swamped, k?" Alright she didn't say that, but you get the gist. Poor slobbering, suffering Rob jumps at the chance and voila! Instant bliss. Cue up the Flock of Seagulls hits for the end credits.
I think that every Gen Xer on the planet should get together and lynch the people who made this movie. Come on everyone, sing along with me...
"Rockin and a rollin', splishin' and a-splashin over the horizon what could it be?"... Looks like it's going to be another crappy film.
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