Reviewed by Jason Coffman
Rating: 9.5 Beans
inally, we discovered why DVD was invented.
"The Coroner" is the first really awful movie I watched on DVD, and it's a spectacular way to start. I didn't actually get around to watching the other previews on the disc, but I can't imagine they'd be any more effective than the one for this film itself. Bleah.
The plot involves a female lawyer named Emma, who defends kindly junkie prostitutes. Or something. Anyway, one night while she's out jogging, she gets shot with a blow dart and captured. When she wakes up, she's strapped to a table... if I remember correctly, she's in a Catholic schoolgirl outfit by this time. It doesn't matter, she spends most of the movie like that.
Eventually, we discover that Emma has been kidnapped because she tried to commit suicide when she was a teenager. Her kidnapper? Well, after she escapes (which takes long enough for us to see him naked in a "Kiss the Cook" apron), it turns out he's... THE CORONER!
Not much of a surprise, given the title of the film.
At any rate, The Coroner feels cheated that she tried to kill herself and lived. So he's been finding girls who attempted suicide and finishing the job. Emma escapes and finds that legal means are useless, so she decides to kidnap him and keep him in her basement.
This Coroner fellow is crafty, however, and manages to trick Emma's boyfriend into thinking she's insane. Once The Coroner is loose, however, he kills Emma's boyfriend and then Emma kills him. For some reason, this results in Emma being put in a mental institution.
Curses! I just told the story of the entire movie. Oh well. Somehow, this story is STRETCHED to somewhere around 80 minutes-- yes, it feels much longer than that. The acting is uniformly straight-to-video quality (sometimes worse), and the guy who plays The Coroner is hilarious. Sadly, the part would have been much better if played by Will Ferrell (the tall brother from "A Night at the Roxbury," if that helps).
To give you an idea of how important this film is, the Internet Movie Database has virtually no information on it-- cast, crew, languages, etc. And honestly, if the people who painstakingly maintain a page of information about "Cheerleader Camp" didn't bother, why should you?
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