Austin Powers: Goldmember
Reviewed by Mike Brannon
Rating: 8 Beans
roovy baby! Well, maybe not. Austin is losing his mojo, and fast.
The latest Austin Powers "adventure" is little more than a narcissistic celluloid tribute to the pop culture phenomenon that Mike Meyer's Bond spoof has created.
The third Austin Powers outing does very little more than bombard you with the tired old series jokes. The threadbare plot, if it may be called that, is that Doctor Evil, and a Dutch Madman named Goldmember, are planning to destroy the world. Austin time travels to the past (again) to face the villans, and runs into Foxy Cleopatra (the name is about the only clever thing they do with this blaxploitation Pam Grier-style heroine) who teams with Austin. Meanwhile, Austin's estranged father shows up and kind of pops in and out of the picture needlessly. The villain is, naturally, a Mike Meyers humorous character (in other words, a cruel stereotype of a European foriegner with an accent) whose involvement with this evil plan seems nonexistant.
But nothing has changed from two:
- Mini Me continues as a pratfalling, silent pseudo-pet who is subjected to several indignities.
- Doctor Evil continues with his mincing, incompetent brand of evil.
- Fat Bastard returns for more of the gratitious fat, excrement and flatulence jokes for the few minutes he is on screen...
- Countless jokes are recycled, including a breast slang-allusions segment, Doctor Evil's embarrassing code name for his plans, Scott's sarcastic cynicism towards his father, Doctor Evil's musical number, insultingly blatant ad placement (Starbucks, Subway... God, like these movies dont make enough money to buy NASA), the list just goes on and on. 90% of this movie is just a retread of Spy Who Shagged Me.
There are cameos from many high-profile stars, such as Steven Spielburg, John Travolta, Tom Cruise, Gwenneth Paltrow, Kevin Spacey.... again, the list just goes on and on. Soon I felt like I was bludgeoned by legions of cameos thrown in simply for the sake of flaunting our Randy British Spy's stranglehold on the movie industry. Britanny Spears has a truly embarrassing cameo that comes across as a desperate attempt to jump-start her dying career.
The Osbournes also show up. For me, such a cameo would be like my feet turning purple... I'm surprised and dismayed to see it, and I KNOW that it can't be good.
The absolute WORST part of this stinker is the utterly stupid and contrived "secret" that Nigel reveals towards the end of the movie.... Austin and Doctor Evil are brothers. Gor BLIMEY!! Even in a movie like this, it's insulting to be expected to swallow that whopper. It also totally ignores all the events and character developments from the first two movies. Scott evidentally will become the next Doctor Evil, which destroys his sardonic wit that made Scott bearable in the first two movies. LAME!
Then, in the end, it was all just a movie-within-a-movie!! So have the rules changed? I guess that was supposed to be cute, but it was just infuriating to me. Where does the series go from here? Well, I suppose the sequel to THIS one couldn't possibly be much worse. Or could it...?
Austin Power's British Mini has an ejector seat... ten minutes into this dumb movie, you may be wishing your theatre seat had one as well....
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